Mustache Monthly...June Addition

Update.....7 whole months!!

Subject: Update.....7 whole months!!

Hi everyone, yes....it's that time again....I'm sure I'll get sick of doing these updates soon, I'm surprised I've persevered for as long as I have to be honest.
Anyway...where was I... Oh that’s right.... T’s update...
So it’s 7 months today.... 30 whole weeks... *sigh * My little boy isn’t so little any more... *snif *

In honor of being 7 months, I thought I’d share with you 7 exciting things that have happened during the last month.

No. 1 Keep rollin’ rollin’ rollin’

Not two seconds after I hit the send button on last months update, the little monkey started rolling again.... Gone are the days that I can just throw him on the ground and expect to find him where I left him. He managed to roll from one end of the lounge room to the other the other day, (which most of you know isn’t all that far, but still....) and reached up, pulled a leaf off the plant (which I’ve heard is only a little bit poisonous) and shove it in his mouth. We’re going to have our hands full with this one aren’t we??

No. 2 Solids!!

Solids!! We’ve started solids! The ECN (not the same stupid cow that told me to feed T every 2 hours the week we got home from the hospital) recommended that we don’t start solids until Tyler is 6 month corrected.....which is technically next month......butttttt.... I just couldn’t handle the looks he would give us while he would watch us eat! He was worse than the dog! All that drooling and making all those smacking noises with his lips....and those eyes....looking at me like he was some poor, starving little boy. It was excruciating! I couldn’t help but throw the poor kid a crust.....even if it was a little early.
He loves toast, especially with vegemite. He doesn’t actually eat it, it’s more like he sucks the living be-jeesus out of it leaving it all soggy & globby and mashes it between his fingers. It’s so feral.

Me, who is CLULESS in all things “baby” realizing I’d probably gone a little over the top giving the kid vegemite to start off with (that stuff is just NASTY, imagine what it was doing to T’s tummy!) thought we should maybe give him a little rice cereal to get his tummy use to “food”.....though I wouldn’t really call it “food”.... I mix the stuff with that much breast milk (I’m paranoid about constipating the poor critter) that it’s almost like broth....bluck! As you can see by the above picture....T wasn’t all that impressed with his boob juice and rice cereal breakfast.

No. 3 Goodbye sweet baby.....

T had always been this sweet, adorable, well behaved little boy. Until.............. He had his 6 month needles. Now I’m not sure if it was just a coincidence or it was a side effect from the needle, but my sweet little boy turned into an evil goblin. Gone where the days when I could just lay him on the couch for his day time naps....now he needs to be rocked to sleep....or fed to sleep. He SCREAMS when we get him undressed for his bath.....is a perfect angel while in the tub........ SCREAMS again while getting him dressed.....*sigh * Little shit.......there’s sooo many other things that I KNOW he does specifically to tick me off.......is this just him being a normal baby or him being a boy??

No. 4 Jumpa jumpa jumperrrrrr

This is the part where I come out of the closet and confess..... I’ve broken one of my cardinal rules. Thou shalt not spend more than $100 at a time on a child (shut up Jenny... I can hear you sniggering from here)
It’s a long story...but the short version kinda goes like this....
Visiting friends.....
T had a “ride” on toy....
T bounced,
T giggled
T had a HOOT
T loved toy....
Daddy thought buying toy for T would do two things,
a) get T out of his crap mood that he’d been in (see No. 3) and
b) give Mummy a bit of time to herself because a certain little person had become so needy and demanding.
Daddy sends Mummy to overpriced toyshop in search of toy. Mummy finds toy. Daddy says buy toy. Mummy hesitates. Daddy insists. Mummy buys toy. Mummy puts toy together. Mummy puts T in toy. T gets upset. Mummy wonders why when T loved toy a few days ago. T tries hard to tell Mummy that it’s different when it’s someone else’s toy. Mummy doesn’t understand babble. T tries to explain again. Mummy still no understandy. T vomits all over toy. Mummy now understands.

No. 5. Chuck Monkey!

There are no pictures for this one....and for that you should be grateful.
He chucks SO much these days! It never use to be like this. Both of us constantly smell like sour milk. It’s revolting! Does anyone know if reflux can kick in at this late a stage?

No. 6. Hair!! (and eyes)

Not much to say here....except it’s growing back..... I don’t know why I chose these photos......you can’t really see his hair, but he’s just so darn adorable!

He’s still got a little “flathead” happening at the back (damn that “always sleep baby on it’s back” *ahem * advice)....but as long as he never wants to join the army when he gets older, it shouldn’t be a problem. Most of the hair that was on his back and shoulders when he was born has now disappeared, though he still has a little bit of “trucker arms” happening....he has a wee bit of hair on his upper arms that is...uummmm.....not so sparse.....or blonde.... Poor little poodle....
We’re still waiting for his eyes to settle on a permanent colour. When he was born, they were almost black....then after we got him home, they went that bluey grey colour that all newborns’ eyes go. Now they seem to be stuck half way between blue and brown. They’re blue around the outer edges, and brown closer to the black bit in the middle ( I have a HUGE grasp of the human anatomy...as you can clearly see by my use of all the proper names for body parts). I’m sure they’ll turn brown eventually though.

No. 7. Because.......

Because it was so funny the first time.........you can’t help but want to go back for seconds......


Well that’s about it from us this month.
Incase anyone was wondering about those all important stats, well, ummm... I’ve been a little slack. The ECN that use to come to the chemist down the road, doesn’t come to the chemist down the road anymore, so T is still yet to have his book filled in for his 6 month check up. We did pop him on the scales and is right on 8kgs (which is 17.63lbs for you older folks).

That’s it from me....it’s WAY past my bedtime.
Take care
Lots of love and kisses
Chan, Chad and the always Amazing Mr T


-

This......

Is the REAL reason we wanted to have a child........

Chopper T

MIA for far too long.....

Hi everyone....sorry about going MIA for SOOOO long, but every moment of every day I find myself mesmerised by this little (well not so little anymore) bundle of monkey giggles.
I'm going to try and make more of an effort to write........ I did say try.
If anyone is interested, I've created one of those hideous "live spaces" or what ever they are called. You can sort of catch up with what's been happening....... and there are heaps of pictures there.
http://theamazingmrt.spaces.live.com

Sorry again for disappearing........


*copy of mass email.

Update on Mr T.... 6 months!

Since the beginning of time (ok...that's a wee bit of an exaggeration) , there's been the great debate about when to stop counting in weeks and start counting in months.
If we were to count in weeks, last week would have been 24 weeks.....or 6 months if you break each month up into 4 weeks.
But if you go by dates, next week, the 2nd of April, will be 6 months..... So I'm splitting it down the middle.....well kinda down the middle... I’m running a little behind this week.
Whether its 25 weeks......or 6 months... It's still hard to believe that it's been so long since our world turned upside down.
It’s also hard to believe that it’s been a full 12 months today that we first knew of T......back then he was just a line on a pee stick, just a tiny cluster of cells. 12 months ago we held our breath, crossed our fingers and hoped and wished, that this time, things would work out.
I should stop reminiscing and get on with the update huh?

Just after I sent out the last update, my Mum called. After chatting for a bit, she says
“Is Tyler losing his hair?”
“Nooooo, he’s not losing his hair Mum!”
“Are you sure? It looks like he’s losing his hair”
“I’m positive. He’s got exactly the same amount of hair as he had when he was born, it’s just that now that his head is bigger, his hair looks....sparser”
“It looks like he’s losing his hair”
“He’s not losing his hair”

Two days later, we were up at the hospital for his monthly playgroup (they have a special playgroup at the hospital for all the babies who go through the nursery. They have a speech therapist, a physiotherapist and an occupational health therapist....yes...it’s all a little extreme.....but back to the story). The play mats are covered with white hospital sheets. Stark. White. Hospital. Sheets. When the first therapist makes her way around and checks T’s....what ever she was checking by holding his hands and having him pull himself up, what do you think was laying there on the S.W.H.S???? A MASS of black hair! Not just a few stray ones.....but CHUNKS of hair! Ok, maybe I’m over exaggerating just a little....but there was HEAPS of hair. My little boy is going BALD!!!

Onto more exciting things...... GIGGLES!!!! That’s right kids....we’re getting giggles! I’ve heard a million kids giggle before, but nothing, nothing has ever sounded as sweet as our little boy’s giggle. They are like a drug. I find myself doing some weird arse shit that I SWORE I’d never do, just in the hopes that I might entice the tiniest little giggle from him. And babble! The kid is constantly talking....to me...to Chad....to the dog....to his toys....to the wall...... Remind me in 5 years when I’m being bombarded with “why is the sky blue?” “why is the grass green?” “why?why?why?” that at one point in time I actually thought his babble was the sweetest thing in the world.

T has given up on rolling as a bad joke. I think he’s put it in his “I’ll deal with that later” basket and is concentrating on increasing the volume of his babble. I think he’s maybe rolled once in the last month.......which I know the gaggle of therapists from the hospital will frown upon us, because we’re suppose to be “teaching” him how to roll. My philosophy is , if he hasn’t learnt how to roll by the time he starts school, THEN I’ll start to worry. He spends tones of time on his tummy, until he gets frustrated at being unable to crawl, and I’m sure, like before, he’s roll again when he’s good and ready.

We had our very first trip to Emergency last Saturday night. After running a temp of 38.3 all day, having had panadol and tepid baths, at 7pm, there was no sign of the fever breaking. Tyler wasn’t in any way showing signs of distress.....he was his normal, happy self......not grizzling or over sleepy, but the temp thing wigged me out a fare bit, so I rang the Child Health Line and the nurse suggested that we high tail it up to the Childrens’ Emergency Room....so that is what we did.
I called the CER just to find out exactly where they were, because we’d only ever been to the Adults ER.
“Oh it’s real easy” says the nurse/receptionist “there’s plenty of signage, you couldn’t possibly get lost”

Well we did get lost........because there was NO BLOODY SIGNAGE!!!
Anywho....we finally get there, T gets weighed, (7.75kgs!!!) and has his temp taken, which, after sitting in the air conditioning for 20 minutes has gone down to 37.7. They whipped this snazzy little baggy thing on his willy to get a pee sample, and shoozed us into the waiting room.... And wait we did. It actually didn’t take long to see the doctor, but we then had to wait for the results of his urine test.....an hour later, it’s almost 10pm, and we’re given the all clear to go. His temp has been normal ever since....cheeky little monkey.

It’s still hard to believe that this adventure started a whole year ago.........a whole year...... Who would have thought we’d ever get this far........
Our little boy has completed us.......

I’d better be off....
Talk to you all soon
Lots of love and kisses Chan, Chad and the Amazing Mr T

Whoohoo!

We've regained the weight we've lost and put on a little more! Born at 1908grams, he dropped more than the 10% of his body weight to 1660grams. Today he weighed 1980grams!

He's off the water bed heater thingy (don't you just love my use of all the technical terminology used in the SCN?) but still having a tiny bit of a problem with his temp. They keep rugging him up in 50 million layers of clothing and blankets. While it's obviously necessarry, I can't understand how doing this is teaching him how to regulate it on his own.......

A quick update

I haven't had time to scratch myself what with all the pumping and spending time with the boy, but I thought you wonderful girls deserved an update.
Sorry it's just the copy of the email I sent out, but that's all I'm good for these days.
**************************
Who would have thought that it's already been a whole week since this little monkey ripped his mummy a new one.

Tyler is doing great. He spent a few days doing phototherapy due to jaundice, the lights gave him a case of the trots....well bubbly green oozy poo to be exact.....which Dad handled A LOT better than Mum did.

Today he graduated from the incubator into a crib, which is a huge step. He's still having a little trouble regulating his own body temp, so they're helping him out with this waterbed inserty thing that he's sleeping on which seems to be doing the trick for the time being. As he gets a little more meat on his bones, he'll get better at dealing with and regulating his temp.

He's had a main line ( I think that's what it's called) inserted into his arm because of the antibiotics that he needs to be taking, but that should come out by Thursday providing his second set of bloods come back negative (his first lot were neg). They need to make sure that the ECOLI that Mummy caught while she was in hospital and that caused him to come so early, wasn’t passed on while he was in utero. Yes...ecoli.......makes you feel like inviting me over for dinner huh??

Food wise, as you can see by the pics, he’s still being fed by tube, but trying really hard to get the hang of the whole sucking on the boob thing, and he’s currently on a whopping 36mls of expressed breast milk every 3 hours (he started off last Wednesday on 9mls every three hours).

Highlights of the week........

Being moved out of the ICN to the Special Care Nursery
The move from the incubator to the crib
The volcanic like bubbling green oozy poo that just kept coming and coming every time Chad wiped his bum
Chad learning that everytime he wiped, he was stimulating his anal gland, therefore producing more poo.
Chan trying to remain calm and get the nurse’s attention while trying to stop afore mentioned green oozy shit from running up his back ( I failed miserably at both getting her attention and at stopping the shit.....it wasn’t pretty)
I thought it may have taken awhile for this to happen,, but the boy managed to pee in his own mouth (I’m talking about Tyler here, not Chad)

We did it.......

Introducing Mr Tyler James Douglas B.
Born October 2nd 2006 at 3.06am
Born 9 weeks early, weighing a hefty 1.902kgs (4lbs 19 oz), 43.5 cms (17.12 inches) long.
He's currently in the ICN, but is doing fantastic.
You can't wipe the grin off our faces.

Exhaling too soon

See... I knew it.... I’d go and jinx myself!
29w5d, which was Saturday, I relented and let Chad put the pram together.......
Up until that time, I hadn’t allowed anyone to give us anything baby related, or for us to “prepare” for the baby.....just in case.....
So Chad puts the pram together.......
That night, my last stop before bed was to go to the loo......
I wipe......there’s blood....... not just a tiny smidge of blood either
It’s 10:30pm and we’re off to L & D
There is no pain.....just blood.
They attatch all the monitors......the baby is doing fine..... there are no contractions......just blood
The blood gets heavier......
They have a look to see if they can see where the blood is coming from
They can’t see because it keeps pooling “up there” and they can’t be certain if it’s coming from the stitch or from up higher.
12am, I recieve my first steriod shot.......just in case the stitch needs to come out
2:30am, the bleeding has slowed, it’s only when i wipe.....they move me out of L & D and into a normal room.
4am, I have a major bleed, I call the nurse......she’s a little dim..... says that if it happens again (have another major bleed) that they’ll move me back to L & D
Sunday is spent in a daze, listening to babies crying and monitors going off all around me.
At midnight, I’m given my second steroid shot.
Monday morning, I’m sent for a scan. I have 1 cm of cervix, the baby’s head is wedged firmly against the stitch, they can’t tell exactly where the bleeding (which is brown now) has been coming from. They are concerned about the lack of fluid around the baby, but not TOO concerned.
Tuesday, less bleeding......just brown and smudgy......brown is good right?
Well not that good, but better than bright red.
Am told that we may get discharged tomorrow.... yippee
Wednesday we are sent home with instructions that if I start bleeding red again, to come back to the hospital.
So now it’s Thursday, and I’ve had a bit of dischargy stuff, different from Saturday night, more CM/snot tinged with red/brown. I’m trying not to worry......... I’m not cramping......only having discharge when I wipe, though there has been a fair bit of it.
I’m guessing we’ll be heading back to the hospital tonight......just to be on the safe side.......
*sigh *
Edit: don't panic, I have a tendancy of making things sound WAY worse than what they are. Yes we're bleeding, but the baby is doing fine....he's kicking up a storm, in what little room he has in my retarded bicornuate uterus.

Exhaling.......just a little

I’m not sure if anyone remembers, but late last year, I wrote a post about karma and questioned whether or not it was dogging my arse for things I’d done in the past. Let me say that I was surprised I wasn’t flamed to the nth degree for admitting to these things and was so extremely appreciative for all the wonderful support that was shown to me.

However, there was one person who left a comment that made me feel pretty crappy, and in turn has been part of the reason why I have been trying to fly under the radar for the past 3 months.

Her comment in part said, “i don't think that god is up there like a kid with a stick and a magnifying glass over an ant hill. and if he is... keep him looking your way damnit, my life cant afford another problem!”

I, of course, stumbled over to her blog thinking that this poor woman must be having a bit of a bad trot, and was surprised to find that her “problems” consisted of a 6 month old with pink eye, a broken digital camera and an inability to get to her older son’s basket ball game because no one could give her a lift (she obviously has problems, but I just don’t consider poor interior decorating as a “real” problem, sorry). I have to admit that I was pretty pissed off. Here was this woman who’s “problems” would have been gladly welcomed by any of us who are dealing with infertility if it meant that we would have, not one, but two, living, breathing children, and here she was wishing that my bad luck to continue so she could live a better life...........

So with that comment rattling around in my sub conscience and because, sometimes, I just don’t think too rationally, I decided that maybe it wasn’t such a crash hot idea to go blogging about “the bun”. Would it be a sure fire way to have the magnifying glass turned in my direction and have things fall in a shit heap yet again? I didn’t want to take the chance of the universe noticing me. I didn’t want the bun to be the red flag that saw the universe strike me down for having a glimmer of hope that things would work out this time. So I kept quiet, and for that, I’m sorry. I know that alot of you girls have been popping in to see how I was, and I want to thank both Rissa (who still doesn’t have a damn blog...get off your arse woman!) and the wonderful Jill for leaving messages here letting everyone know that all is going well.

And yes.......all is still going well. I’m sitting here, 28 weeks along, in a place I never thought I’d be, ever so grateful to feel each squirm and kick but still scared out of my mind that something will go wrong. I’ve spent far too long out here in blogland to shroud myself in complete optimism and believe, that because we’ve reached this stage, that everything is going to be ok.

I have been keeping notes during the last....my gd.......15 weeks, and am in the process of trying to compress them into some sort of post that won’t be too drawn out and boring.

But for now, I’ll just say that we’re doing ok.........all three of us........and that I’ll try and pull my finger out and update more often AND manage to fill you all in on what’s been going on for the past 4 months.

Thank you all so much for checking in on me....... I wish I could give you all big sloppy kisses and cuddles for being so wonderful......

Cross your fingers

They’re stitching me up.
Cervical length 2.5cm with .5cm funneling.
I’m getting an epidural which I’m absolutely CRAPPING myself about.
Wish us luck..........

Every Niggle, Every Twinge

My apologies for this being so disjointed.

My universe is revolving around my uterus.
I notice every twinge, every niggle, every pull, every pain. Sometimes there is this “flick” feeling, like someone has flicked my cervix, and it takes my breath away.

I don’t know if this is normal. Is this normal??

Last time, I was so focused on if there was bleeding or not, that I didn’t take notice of anything else.

I’m almost too afraid to poop. I wait until it’s inevitable to go because I’m too afraid to push. The doctor told me I was being ridiculous and that I couldn’t “push the baby out”, but last time I only went to the loo for a pee and look what happened.

I’m so “wet” down there that it takes everything I have not to shove my hand down my pants every 10 minutes and check if it is just excessive CM or if I’m actually bleeding.....regardless where I am.

Although my last doctor said that we’d have weekly scans after 10 weeks, my new doctor didn’t think it was necessary. So I had my first scan 2 weeks ago at 10 weeks, and my next isn’t until next Monday, when I’ll be 13 weeks. The “normal” length of a cervix during pregnancy is between 3 and 5 cm. At 10 weeks, I was 2.9 cm, already shorter than “average”, only just, but still enough to to make me paranoid. I worry if some of this “discomfort” I feel is my cervix shortening and/or opening.

I’m paranoid that something is going to happen while I’m at work. I only work 5 hours a day (yes I’m a slack bitch), but those 5 hours are spent on my feet. I worry that this will have an effect on my cervix. I become so anxious before I leave for work that I make myself sick. I took Thursday and Friday off last week because I couldn’t deal with the fear.

Saturday was A.J’s second angel day. Last year, I was so tied up in my grief over losing Jessie that I did nothing to mark A.J’s first angel day. This year, I was too wrapped up in my uterus and my fears to truly acknowledge his passing. I wanted to visit the memorial garden and sit with him a spell, but I didn’t. I sat at home, lit a candle and told him how much he was missed. Theoretically, I know that this is really all I could do, but somehow it just didn’t seem enough.

So today marks 12 weeks. The day when normal pregnant women feel “safe”. I don’t feel safe.....not even the tiniest bit.

Something to lose

I’ve been walking around for the last 6 weeks in denial.

I’m not really “baking”.
There isn’t really a bun in there.

I’ve been afraid to believe.

Tuesday, we had our first ultrasound.
The real fear has kicked in.
Now there’s no denying it.
Now it’s real.
I should be happy, elated and overjoyed.
But I’m more scared than ever.

The fear is now tenfold.
Because now, I have something to lose.

Who's Laughing Now??

I originally wasn’t going to post this, seeing as all probably all think that I’m just some whinny, bitter, self absorbed person, with all the bitchy posts, but ppphhhtttt...... why have you think that I’m anything other than whinny, bitter and self absorbed? When you’re on a roll........

Anywho....... Chad’s friend Mark (that I mentioned here ) lives only 10 minutes away, but most of our conversations are carried out on MSN, as you do. And because Chad is a “hunt and peck” kind of guy, it’s usually left up to me to “chat” with him. We haven’t yet told them we are “baking”, there’s a long drawn out reason behind that, which I’ll go into another day, but for now, they have no idea.

So the other week I was chatting to him, and he was telling me how poor Nadine is soooooo sick, that she’s head down in the loo every 30 minutes and that she’s had to give up her part time job. I admit I had a bit of a giggle, and may have even uttered “suck shit”, but only to myself of course, because I’d hate for him to think I was jealous about their pregnancy. Only you guys get to witness how narky I really am.

Mark, being the walking contradiction that he is, tried to tell me, despite our last MSN conversation, that this baby was indeed planned and wasn’t an “oops” baby. I wanted to call him out and tell him to pull his head out of his arse, but, I was polite and let him waffle on.

I was under the assumption that Nadine was a lot further along when he’d told us as he’s not usually one to talk about anything. With Mark, everything falls under the “it’s too personal” header and he rarely talks, even to Chad, about relationship troubles, money worries or anything “personal”. Hence Chad thinking it must have been a HUGE deal when Mark discussed the thoughts of leaving Nadine because things were at breaking point just weeks before the “big announcement”.

Apparently, the pee hadn’t even dried on the stick before he was telling the world that he was going to be a daddy.

She is only 3 weeks ahead of me, due mid November.

Nadine is the kind of girl that wouldn’t dream of leaving the house without her hair and make-up done. She always is dressed like someone who’s just stepped out of a Cosmo magazine, always up to the minute when it comes to fashion. So when I saw them shopping the other night, I had to do a double take. Her hair was dank and matted, she was wearing a beaten up old cardigan and a pair of shorts that looked like they’d belonged to her father. There was not a trace of make-up and her skin was atrocious. She looked like crap. Definitely not the Nadine we were accustomed to seeing.

As shallow as it may sound, seeing her like that made me feel AMAZING! I’m by no means an oil painting, but I try and make myself look presentable (most days). Although being up with the fashions is out of the question because I would barely be able to squeeze my left tit into three quarters of cloths found in fashion magazines, I do try and wear nice-ish kinds of things, though I was in my work uniform at the time, so that kind of makes that point mute.

I felt fantastic, because, well, although I’ve had nausea, it’s been more like a constant hangover kind of feeling, I hadn’t actually lost my lunch, and have been able to function “normally”.

Until Sunday.............. (you so saw that coming didn’t you??)

Sunday I was so sick I had to leave work after only 3 hours. I spent the rest of the day with my head in the toilet.

Monday..........ditto

Tuesday wasn’t so bad. I’ve found that if I keep stuff going down, there’s less of a chance of things coming back up.

My lesson has been learnt.

I work with animals

Dear Co-Worker Dirty Fucking Mole,

Re: Restroom Etiquette

It has been drawn to my attention that you are not following correct company procedure when utilizing the restroom.
Yes, you may be adhering to the request to wash your hands, as shown in the detailed laminated poster on the wall, for which, I’m sure, not only your fellow staff members, but also customers alike, are extremely grateful.
You may THINK you are adhering to the new request posted inside each cubical that requests that you “make sure your toilet paper flushes” (a not so subtle hint to suggest that you make sure your poo has flushed), when it is in fact, obvious that you are not.
If you were truly following the request, you would have noticed that you PISSED ON THE FUCKING SEAT! This is not a case of a drop or two of splashed up “flush”, or an easily miss-able “drip”, but a fucking PUDDLE OF PISS pooled at the BACK of the seat!
I understand your apprehension at placing your arse on the seat, because, technically, it is a “public” restroom due to the 30 odd women who work here ever day, and because your mummy taught you never to put your bottom on a public toilet. But if you INSIST on kangarooing it over the toilet, either
a) put the seat up
b) try to aim a little better
or
c) WIPE YOUR FUCKING PISS OFF THE SEAT WHEN YOU’RE FINISHED, YOU DIRTY.FUCKING.BITCH!

Sincerely,
Me, the one that had to clean up after you, you filthy fucking pig.