Exhaling.......just a little

I’m not sure if anyone remembers, but late last year, I wrote a post about karma and questioned whether or not it was dogging my arse for things I’d done in the past. Let me say that I was surprised I wasn’t flamed to the nth degree for admitting to these things and was so extremely appreciative for all the wonderful support that was shown to me.

However, there was one person who left a comment that made me feel pretty crappy, and in turn has been part of the reason why I have been trying to fly under the radar for the past 3 months.

Her comment in part said, “i don't think that god is up there like a kid with a stick and a magnifying glass over an ant hill. and if he is... keep him looking your way damnit, my life cant afford another problem!”

I, of course, stumbled over to her blog thinking that this poor woman must be having a bit of a bad trot, and was surprised to find that her “problems” consisted of a 6 month old with pink eye, a broken digital camera and an inability to get to her older son’s basket ball game because no one could give her a lift (she obviously has problems, but I just don’t consider poor interior decorating as a “real” problem, sorry). I have to admit that I was pretty pissed off. Here was this woman who’s “problems” would have been gladly welcomed by any of us who are dealing with infertility if it meant that we would have, not one, but two, living, breathing children, and here she was wishing that my bad luck to continue so she could live a better life...........

So with that comment rattling around in my sub conscience and because, sometimes, I just don’t think too rationally, I decided that maybe it wasn’t such a crash hot idea to go blogging about “the bun”. Would it be a sure fire way to have the magnifying glass turned in my direction and have things fall in a shit heap yet again? I didn’t want to take the chance of the universe noticing me. I didn’t want the bun to be the red flag that saw the universe strike me down for having a glimmer of hope that things would work out this time. So I kept quiet, and for that, I’m sorry. I know that alot of you girls have been popping in to see how I was, and I want to thank both Rissa (who still doesn’t have a damn blog...get off your arse woman!) and the wonderful Jill for leaving messages here letting everyone know that all is going well.

And yes.......all is still going well. I’m sitting here, 28 weeks along, in a place I never thought I’d be, ever so grateful to feel each squirm and kick but still scared out of my mind that something will go wrong. I’ve spent far too long out here in blogland to shroud myself in complete optimism and believe, that because we’ve reached this stage, that everything is going to be ok.

I have been keeping notes during the last....my gd.......15 weeks, and am in the process of trying to compress them into some sort of post that won’t be too drawn out and boring.

But for now, I’ll just say that we’re doing ok.........all three of us........and that I’ll try and pull my finger out and update more often AND manage to fill you all in on what’s been going on for the past 4 months.

Thank you all so much for checking in on me....... I wish I could give you all big sloppy kisses and cuddles for being so wonderful......