Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Exhaling.......just a little


I’m not sure if anyone remembers, but late last year, I wrote a post about karma and questioned whether or not it was dogging my arse for things I’d done in the past. Let me say that I was surprised I wasn’t flamed to the nth degree for admitting to these things and was so extremely appreciative for all the wonderful support that was shown to me.

However, there was one person who left a comment that made me feel pretty crappy, and in turn has been part of the reason why I have been trying to fly under the radar for the past 3 months.

Her comment in part said, “i don't think that god is up there like a kid with a stick and a magnifying glass over an ant hill. and if he is... keep him looking your way damnit, my life cant afford another problem!”

I, of course, stumbled over to her blog thinking that this poor woman must be having a bit of a bad trot, and was surprised to find that her “problems” consisted of a 6 month old with pink eye, a broken digital camera and an inability to get to her older son’s basket ball game because no one could give her a lift (she obviously has problems, but I just don’t consider poor interior decorating as a “real” problem, sorry). I have to admit that I was pretty pissed off. Here was this woman who’s “problems” would have been gladly welcomed by any of us who are dealing with infertility if it meant that we would have, not one, but two, living, breathing children, and here she was wishing that my bad luck to continue so she could live a better life...........

So with that comment rattling around in my sub conscience and because, sometimes, I just don’t think too rationally, I decided that maybe it wasn’t such a crash hot idea to go blogging about “the bun”. Would it be a sure fire way to have the magnifying glass turned in my direction and have things fall in a shit heap yet again? I didn’t want to take the chance of the universe noticing me. I didn’t want the bun to be the red flag that saw the universe strike me down for having a glimmer of hope that things would work out this time. So I kept quiet, and for that, I’m sorry. I know that alot of you girls have been popping in to see how I was, and I want to thank both Rissa (who still doesn’t have a damn blog...get off your arse woman!) and the wonderful Jill for leaving messages here letting everyone know that all is going well.

And yes.......all is still going well. I’m sitting here, 28 weeks along, in a place I never thought I’d be, ever so grateful to feel each squirm and kick but still scared out of my mind that something will go wrong. I’ve spent far too long out here in blogland to shroud myself in complete optimism and believe, that because we’ve reached this stage, that everything is going to be ok.

I have been keeping notes during the last....my gd.......15 weeks, and am in the process of trying to compress them into some sort of post that won’t be too drawn out and boring.

But for now, I’ll just say that we’re doing ok.........all three of us........and that I’ll try and pull my finger out and update more often AND manage to fill you all in on what’s been going on for the past 4 months.

Thank you all so much for checking in on me....... I wish I could give you all big sloppy kisses and cuddles for being so wonderful......

18 Comments:

Blogger InDueTime said...

Woman Woman Woman!!!!!!!

I am SO SO SO SO glad to hear from you!! You had me worried. Don't let some chick with "a crappy life" make you feel inferrior.

I can't believe your just three months shy of a little one, my goodness!

Please, do update us about what's been going on.

Lots of hugs!

9:21 AM  
Blogger Hoping said...

Ah! You are here! So glad to hear that everything is well with you 3. Hope to hear from you again.

9:56 AM  
Blogger Lisa P. said...

AH!! Chan, good to "see" you. Glad to hear things are going well, and congrats on 28 weeks... will be happy to hear more from you. :)

1:13 PM  
Anonymous Meri-ann said...

Just so good to hear from you, I was so worried but am glad that all is looking good!
Stay in touch x

4:53 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

The things that clutter the screwed-up infertile/mother-of-dead-babies minds huh?

I think we all have those quirky yet torturous supersticions. In spite of those, you are back, so YAY!

Can't wait to hear the secrets of the last few months and glad you and the family are all AOK:)

5:01 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

I am so glad to see that you posted. I come to your blog every day just hoping to see a post, so today when I saw it, I WAS SHOCKED!!

I am so glad that things are going well.... I can't wait to hear all about the last few months!

11:08 PM  
Anonymous Julie said...

Hurray!!!! Chan is back and is well :) I've been thinking about you lately - I'm glad to know you are ok and I think you need to post that idiot's blog so we can all pay her a visit!

11:10 PM  
Blogger Shinny said...

I am so glad that you are back and that all is well. So very happy for you and totally understand trying to avoid the magnifying glass after all you went through to get to this point.
Can't wait for more stories and for "the bun" to arrive.

Congratulations!

12:11 AM  
Blogger katesun said...

Yeah!! I am glad you are back. we are about 1 1/2 apart . You are ahead of me ! Take care.

3:28 AM  
Blogger katesun said...

weeks I meant !

6:25 AM  
Blogger Drew said...

I used to think the `feel safe' time is at 12 weeks. As I am nearing 12 weeks I don't feel any safer, I still wake up every night trying to analyse every twinge and niggly pain.

:)

I wish many thoughts for you (and me :p) for the upcoming weeks!

2:21 PM  
Blogger Susie said...

So good to see you are back, I have been checking in every so often to make sure you are OK

4:58 PM  
Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

Welcome back! Illegitimi non carborundum, don't let the bastards get you down, we should all be so lucky to have such 'problems,' etc. etc.

Don't ever go dark for so long again, okay? Some of us think the worst - not because of wishful thinking on your poster's part, but because of past history.

Thinking good thoughts. Be well!

10:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey you!!! Hip hip hooray!!! Channy is back and girl I know you were worried and that you still are but hang in there babe. The best is yet to come. You and bub are somewhat safe now aren't you? If he/she decides to check out of the mummy "hotel" early, you are both still good? I love you babe and I'm wishing semi trailers full of happy thoughts, best wishes and luck your way. Hugs, Rissa.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxooooxooxoxoxoxoxo
P.S. Don't be holding out for a blog from me anytime soon. Ha ha ha.

7:07 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Oh my gosh wish I had found your blog WAY LONG TIME ago.

Thanks so much for your transparency.

1:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For months I have crossed my fingers that the top post didn't say 'Corss your fingers' and today it worked!
I've never commented before but I just wanted to say woo hoo to 28 weeks :)

Colleen

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'Cross your fingers'-I thought I proofread lol

Colleen

3:20 PM  
Blogger MC said...

Glad things are going well for you. Unbelievable the things some people say.

7:52 AM  

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