I work with animals

Dear Co-Worker Dirty Fucking Mole,

Re: Restroom Etiquette

It has been drawn to my attention that you are not following correct company procedure when utilizing the restroom.
Yes, you may be adhering to the request to wash your hands, as shown in the detailed laminated poster on the wall, for which, I’m sure, not only your fellow staff members, but also customers alike, are extremely grateful.
You may THINK you are adhering to the new request posted inside each cubical that requests that you “make sure your toilet paper flushes” (a not so subtle hint to suggest that you make sure your poo has flushed), when it is in fact, obvious that you are not.
If you were truly following the request, you would have noticed that you PISSED ON THE FUCKING SEAT! This is not a case of a drop or two of splashed up “flush”, or an easily miss-able “drip”, but a fucking PUDDLE OF PISS pooled at the BACK of the seat!
I understand your apprehension at placing your arse on the seat, because, technically, it is a “public” restroom due to the 30 odd women who work here ever day, and because your mummy taught you never to put your bottom on a public toilet. But if you INSIST on kangarooing it over the toilet, either
a) put the seat up
b) try to aim a little better
or
c) WIPE YOUR FUCKING PISS OFF THE SEAT WHEN YOU’RE FINISHED, YOU DIRTY.FUCKING.BITCH!

Sincerely,
Me, the one that had to clean up after you, you filthy fucking pig.

"Oh, I'm Sorry, Did I Break Your Concentration?"

This is what immediately popped into my head as soon as I heard that Katie and Tom called their little girl Suri.

Well actually it wasn’t. When Ms Kennerly announced it on her crappy morning show, she actually pronounced it “Soo-ree”, I thought of a Chinese pig farmer calling in his pigs.

So I googled a little and found that it can be pronounced, “Sir-ee”, or “Surrey”, and THAT is when I thought of Mr Jackson in Pulp Fiction.

Slack

Sorry to drop the stick and be lax with the updates, but it’s been a bit hectic around here of late. In retail, Easter is almost as bad as Christmas with people thinking that the world is going to come to an end because we’ll be closed for two days (and not even two consecutive days at that), so I’ve been putting in a few extra hours, which has been leaving me feeling absolutely knackered.

So now for an update. Everything is going along fine and dandy, physically anyway.
I’m sure that my already massive DD breasts have gotten even bigger already, and they hurt like a bitch.
There’s been a couple of days where I’ve had slightly discoloured CM, but I surprisingly didn’t get too freaked about.
Going to the little girls room is becoming a bit of mind fuck though. I keep expecting a repeat episode of Jesse, with the baby sliding out me without warning. I daily google pictures of what stage the embryo is at so I have a clear picture of what I’d have to deal with if I needed to scoop it out of the toilet.
What doesn’t help on the peeing front is that I’m having to pee every hour on the hour. So not only does the fear factor rise each hour, my poor foofoo is copping a flogging as well. There isn’t even any reprieve while I’m asleep, every hour on the hour, I’m up having to get up and pee. If any of you girls know a way that I can minimize these loo visits, especially during the night, I’d be forever grateful.

My weekly hospital visits with Dr Mackay begin on the 8th of April when I’ll be almost 10 weeks. Jeebus! That’s only like.... 3 weeks from tomorrow!

Thank you all so much for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I promise I won’t leave it so long to update next time.

Ummmm.... Crap?

Surrounded By Stupid

My sister has never officially been diagnosed as having PCOS. Many moons ago, a few years before she had Caleb, she was having irregular periods (3-4 months apart) and had an ultrasound, where they discovered countless cysts on her ovaries. Because she didn’t have a partner and wasn’t “trying” (well she was, she really didn’t mind who the daddy was, she just wanted to fall pregnant, have a baby, and hope that he’d do the right thing and marry her), there was no declaration that she had PCOS and no offer to “manage” the problem.

She has been seeing this bloke for about the last 12 months or so, who up until recently, lived about 4 hours away. He’s a previous financial adviser who managed to get himself into gobs of debt and at 32, moved back in with his parents to clean up his massive debt by driving taxis. Apart from a few days together here and there, their relationship was mainly carried out via the phone. Because he was trying to save money, most nights, he’d call her on her mobile, let it ring twice, then hang up, she would then call him back from the home phone. This little exercise would cost her roughly $160 a month, which on a single parents pension, is alot of money. As you could imagine, I don’t hold this fella in very high regard. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but what kind of a prick would do this knowing she had limited funds and had a child to raise??

Anyhoo, he got accepted into university here as a mature aged student and moved down to Brisbane about a month ago. So being the responsible sister that I am, I gave her my birth control pills, which are still in date, that have been sitting in my cupboard for the last umpteen years. She hasn’t had a period since December, so has been waiting for them to show up before she starts taking them. **Quick question for those in the know, can she start taking them even though her period hasn’t shown up? Will they help bring them on?***

So, this morning, I’m putting some washing in the machine.....
“Sorry if we were noisy last night (giggle)” her not so subtle attempt at telling me that she got lucky
“We didn’t hear a thing....... please tell me you used protection”
(lots of looking everywhere but at me)
“H!!!”
“But he pulled out before he came! And besides, I haven’t had a period since December.”
inject a tirade of abuse that included words like, dickhead, stupid fuck, irresponsible etc, and a refresher course in how babies are made.

Did I mention that the dickhead who thinks that “pulling out” is a good choice of birth control, is currently studying to become a fucking DOCTOR?????? GD help us all.........