Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Marathon Post

BLAH! Where do I start? The rate things are buzzing around my head, this is looking to be a marathon entry.
I've never felt so overwhelmed by emotions as I did on Friday. I bit the bullet and finally went around to my friend J's place. No sooner had I gotten out of the car, I could hear the kids screaming "Channy's here.... Channy's here!!", and the thunderous sound of footsteps running through the house. The screen door slammed open and her 4 kids came screaming out, arms wide open and amassed me in the most amazing hug. They had me in tears even before I'd walked through the door. I hadn't realized that I had missed them so much.... or fathomed a thought that they could have missed me.

As for J.... well she looked like shit....but only because of her dyke like hair cut. I'm just going to put it down to pregnancy hormones......lol. (Sorry J..... you know I love you....lol)

Saturday was VERY eventful. I was awoken by the shrill of the telephone at 10:45 (yes I've become a slack bitch and have taken to sleeping in BIG TIME. I guess going to bed at 4:30am had a little something to do with it) And who do you think was on the phone...... my *cough* friend that I mentioned here. She was in Brisvegas and apparently didn't receive my nasty NASTY email (I was having a bad day). She wanted to see me. I let lose with a tirade of abuse letting her know how much her lack of contact had hurt me, how the phone call from her with her children screaming "mummy mymmy mummy" down the phone tore my heart out. Not unusual for her, she turned it all around and made it about herself (she suffers badly from PND) and how she'd been having such a hard time of it. Blah blah blah.....lengthy conversation.....many tears..... we cleared the air and she came over for a visit. It was nice to see her and we, in some way, reconnected. In a way that friends that have known each other more than half their lives do...... I wish I could say nice things like "I wish I could be there for her to help her through this" but, I know I don't have the strength to allow her to lean on me AND keep my own head above water. I'm being selfish aren't I? I knew it.

Saturday night saw the return of the GREAT Jonathan Brown with a massive 8 goals and a win to drag our sorry arses off the bottom of the ladder.

So all in all Saturday wasn't too bad.

Monday I received an update from LostSchoolFriends where to my surprise, I found an old friend had joined up. My Dad use to call her "144". Just like 13 is a bakers dozen, 144 is a gross..... doesn't my Dad have the most twisted sense of humor??? So not to confuse her with the "other" J, we'll call her 144.

We'd been friends since year 8 when we were 12 and had a major falling out about 7 years ago. I can't remember the details exactly, just that she screamed down the phone at me that my expectations of her were too high and that she just couldn't live under my judgemental gaze anymore. This coming from a girl who always insisted that everything was bigger,better,faster, longer. If I met a cute guy, her's was hotter.... if I slept with someone who had a big one.... the one she slept with was not only bigger, but it lasted longer and she, without a doubt had at least 3 more orgasams than I did.

Anybody that knows me, knows that I'm not judgemental. If you're fat, thin, short, tall, rich, poor.... I don't care..... as long as you're a good person, that's all that matters.

Anywho.... I heard from her about 5 years ago, she'd just given birth to her second child, a daughter, and wanted me to meet her. I know it was her way of trying to burry the hatchet, but until I heard "I'm sorry" tumble out of her mouth, I wasn't going entertain the idea of letting bygones be bygones. I'm still waiting......

So I looked at 144's entry, and found that she's now married (which doesn't bother me cause The Chad is all that and a packet of chips) and not only did she have the 13 yr old and the 6 yr old that I knew about, she also had an 8 mth old and was pregnant with her 4th.......due in August.

So here I sit, at 32 and a bit, baron, and I have to admit that I'm green with envy. Where has my life gone? I know I wasted almost 10 years with The Bitter One......but still......grrrrrrrr. I've held on to the same crappy job for the last 9 years in the hope that I'd get pregnant and they at least offer maternity leave (unpaid of course) and are very flexible in regards to returning to work/family commitments.

So I guess she wins .... her's is bigger, better, faster, longer......

But she is she and I am me.....and what it all boils down to is.........regardless of how many kids she has......
I'm still WAY prettier than her.......


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