Friday, March 18, 2005

What kind of a friend am I?

I sat in the car for an hour today. I got as far as putting the keys in the ignition. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't will myself to start it.
I was hoping to go and see my friend J .....but I just couldn't.
You see, J and I were pregnant at the same time.....we were due on the same day..... I'm not pregnant anymore.....she is. I just couldn't bring myself to going around and seeing her pregnant belly..... I so love spending time with her..... I love her....she is such a dear, dear friend.....but how can I go there and not look.... how can I ignore what is staring me in the face? How can I go over there and be a good friend and not resent the fact that, although she already has 4 kids (and they are fantastic kids and this latest addition is very much wanted) she's going to have yet another baby and here I am....left waiting.....left wanting. I know she understands. I'm just pissed at myself for not being able to but my grief aside for a measly couple of hours and be a good friend.

I'm a shithouse friend.....really.....


Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is TOTALLY understandabel!! Go easy on yourself. Be super kind to yourself!!! I hope you feel better soon.

5:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is the friend J we know you are a good friend and we know what you and the chad are going through we love u both and we ALL of us in the J house love u both miss you both but most of all we understand

9:29 PM  

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