One ticket to self pity central please....

After much consideration, alot of pondering and way too much Bicardi on Saturday night , I've come to the conclusion that I may have a slight case of depression.

Yes... happy go lucky smiley me.

When I am at home, I feel safe to be myself (I don't feel safe walking down the back steps, but we won't go there again). When I'm with The Chad, everything is ok. He knows my pain, we share the same ache in our hearts. When ever I face the big bad world though, well that's another story.

When I see friends (which is rarely), I get teary and emotional. At work I find it hard communicating with customers. I just don't have the energy or the inclination to care about how their day is or to waffle on about meaningless shit to make their "visit" memorable. I find I'm withdrawing further and further into myself.....

I had hoped that I would get closure after our hospital follow up.... but instead of being given the green light to go ahead and try again, I've been put on hold until I can get my uterus checked out.
I had hoped that we'd be able to find a new house and start saving some $$ ... thanks to Pimp Daddy, we're still looking.

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem....

Ladies and gentlemen.......my name is Chantal and I am depressed.

Then today, I received an email from L (mentioned in the first part), a quote she hoped would inspire.....

"Don't wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel - stride down there....and light the bloody thing yourself!"
-Sara Henderson

Inspire me it has..... I'm going to pull myself up by my bootstraps, pull my head out of my arse and start living again. I'm not going to spare my friends my grief anymore. I'm sure that who ever it was that came up with the wise quote of "better out than in" wasn't just referring to farts and burps. If I become emotional and cry like a girlie girl when I speak to them, they can deal with it. If they don't like it, they can fuck off. I need to cry.... I need to grieve..... I need to do this so I can move on.....

So this is to officially serve as a warning..... I'm making a come back..... I'm going to stride down the tunnel, blazing torch in hand.....

Thank you L..... for your friendship.....for being the amazing "you" that you are.....