Thursday, December 29, 2005

10 Tips to being a good Mother In-Law

1. If you are going to buy food, buy food for everyone, not just yourself. Although you feel as though you are “putting us out” by eating our food, we specifically bought enough food to feed all of us. Although we said there was no need for you to buy your own food, it wouldn’t hurt if you put your hand in your pocket for a loaf of bread, a carton of milk or even a six pack to contribute to the Christmas day feast. It’s what’s called being a good house guest.

2. Please make sure you are covered up at all times if you insist on wearing nothing but a sarong around the house.

3. The perfume I’m wearing is the same one I’ve been wearing for years (it’s called Kama by Karmasutra, it’s actually an Indian love oil, just in case you all are wondering). I like wearing it because it’s a distinct scent that is “me”. Yes I have a problem with you borrowing some. I’m not particularly fussed on the idea of us smelling the same.

4. No I did not see the episode of Malcolm in the Middle/NCIS/Law & Order/McCleod’s Daughters or any other show that it shown during “prime time”. I work nights. I’ve worked nights for the last 7 years. I’m at work during “prime time”, so no I didn’t see it, so please stop asking me.

5. Ditto with the numerous amounts of humorous commercials that tickle your funny bone. I don’t watch a lot of television full stop. Day time television is atrocious therefore don’t tend to watch.

6. Please don’t buy me anymore watches. I don’t wear one. I don’t intend on wearing one. Ever. The pink “jelly” watch you gave me last year is still sitting in my bottom draw, soon it will be joined by the wrap around, diamonties incrusted, kids watch that is way too small.... because it is after all..... A KIDS WATCH        , that you gave me this year.

8. We have two couches. One is a lovely suede camel coloured 3 seater with a chase, perfect for two or more people. We refer to it as “our” couch. The other is a chocolate coloured 2 seater, which we refer to as our “visitors couch”. It’s rather rude to stake your claim the first day you get here by sprawling out over “our” couch and leaving us to huddle together on the visitors couch.

9. In reference to the couch mentioned in the above point, if you’re going to lay all over our camel coloured couch and do your crosswords, please be mindful of the black biro you are using. Seeing as you had staked your spot on the couch and nobody else had sat there for at least 12 hours, at least admit that it could have been you and apologize. It’s extremely poor taste to try and blame the 3 1/2 year old who hasn’t been upstairs in more than 18 hours.

10. When it’s 30+ degrees and I’m sweating like a pig, please refrain from uttering comments such as “It’d be interesting to know what the temperature is” or “how hot do you think it is now Chan?” every hour. I’m not a meteorologist, or a weather girl. All I know is that it’s FUCKING HOT and I’m doing my damn best to try to FORGET exactly how hot it is and ignore the sweat that is running down my back and pooling in my arse crack.

8 Comments:

Blogger Jenna said...

Chan,
Sounds like you are having a nice visit with your MIL, how long is she going to be there for?
I hope the stay goes fast and you get your couch back, I know that must be annoying, it is your couch!
Jenna

4:41 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

If it weren't for the last point (and by the way how hot DO you think it is??LOL) all the rest would be far more tolerable.

It IS fucking hot and I for one cannot deal with anything more than that shit fact alone.

I hope you have the couch back and SOON!

5:34 PM  
Blogger Kari said...

LMAO!!
I could not imagine living with my MIL!! You poor thing!
My heart goes out to you!

12:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha ha!!! Another visit from the free loading nasty mother-in-law!!! I remember how much you love her, especially because she distributes her love between her sons so evenly, NOT!!! My heart bleeds for you but remember she WILL go back to Toowoomba (or whatever other black hole she crawled out of) soon. Hugs, Rissa.

6:45 AM  
Blogger MC said...

That made me laugh. Fancy wearing a sarong around and using your perfume. I hope it's a short visit.

5:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find you lacking in 3 crucial areas:
commitment to your husband's family

compassion for those around you

culture that avoids distasteful language

but you abound in one: a critical spirit.

1:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay girls- I am the mother-in-law...
I bend over backwards to do everything I can for my son and daughter-in-law..that goes from helping clean when i can,sending over food, babysitting anytime they need me,buying little gifts for all of them that are things i KNOW they will love.etc...
get the picture?
My DIL's mother does nothing-she loves to come and stay at their house and go out til all hours,lay around,smokes,just found out she has taken my grandson in her car with no car seat and him on her lap-she gets treated like royalty and i am pretty much left out unless they need something-they share special news with the other 3 parents and i find out later through the grapevine-
so guess what? DILs are not always the best either and sometimes your son needs a kick in the butt too.

3:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous II,

I'm also the mil and believe me the dil leaves a lot to be desired. she's spoiled; selfish; hardheaded. I babysit; help her whenever my son is traveling on co. business - in the 2 yrs that I have known her - she has never cleaned the "tub" or kitchen sink; but she's very finiky about her things and only hers. So believe me dil's are no prize either.

7:08 AM  

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