Thursday, January 05, 2006


I’ve been obsessed with tattoos since........well it feels like forever.
As a teen, my list of preferred attributes in a potential partner, (other than a great sense of humor and nice teeth), was tattoos.
There was always something deliciously bad associated with someone that had a tattoo ( before they became the fashion accessory that they are these days).

I’d always been shit scared of needles, so getting one was almost out of the question for me. I’d always dreamed of getting one, but the whole pain thing turned me off completely.

I got my first tattoo in 2004, in memory of A.J. It was a spare of the moment decision. A smallish, purple winged love heart with the 20.5.2004 written in on the ribbon like scroll.

I was amazing at how little it hurt, but then, being done on the meatiest part of my body (my boob, not my arse), did have something to do with it. I found the whole experience extremely relaxing, to the point where I almost fell asleep while he was doing it!

This left me eager to get another one. I mean, if it was as easy and relatively pain free as the first one, I’d get another 10 done.

After losing Jesse, I knew I had to get another one. After all, I couldn’t show favoritism now could I? That and the fact that I now had “the bug”. We trolled tattoo books and pictures on the web for the perfect one and eventually found one that we both liked, (Chad is getting the same one done eventually) and modified it a little so it suited us.

Tuesday we headed to our wonderful tattooist, Paul at Psychedelic Tattoo at Mt Gravatt (he doesn’t have a website so I can’t link unfortunately).

I was more than a little bit nervous. This one is in between my shoulder blades, and although there is plenty of “back fat”, there wasn’t nearly as much as “boob fat”. I even caved and had a cigarette (I’m making attempt #117 to give up smoking, which is going surprisingly well. I’m only having one a day) to calm my nerves.

The first outline wasn’t too bad. It was a little more painful than I remembered the first one being, but still bearable. I was doing this for Jesse, and for A.J, so I took it in my stride.

The second stage started. The design has alot of black in it........and I mean ALOT. This hurt like a mother fucker! But, I was doing it for the boys, so I closed my eyes and rode out the pain.

The second stage took almost 2 hours. I found myself not only thinking of my boys, but Jill’s Thomas, Catherine’s Alex, , Kristin’s Thomas, Julie's Caleb....Eve, Lisa, Julie, Jenna, Meg, and all the other unbelievable women who, through their amazing writing, have shared their painful stories of loss. (apologies to those I haven’t mentioned specifically).

What started off as a tribute to my boys, transcended into so much more. A reminder for me of not only my angels, but all of your angels too.




Blogger Julie said...

Oh Chan! It's beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing your story and photos.

11:08 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Wow! It is so beautiful! I've toyed with the idea of getting a small tattoo in remembrance...but I haven't talked myself into it just yet...maybe for his first birthday. It definitely won't be on my back though...sounds painful. Isn't it funny how complete strangers have formed a sort of sisterhood? Thank you for thinking of Alex.

11:25 PM  
Blogger Lorem ipsum said...

Paul does amazing work. Thank you for thinking of all of us. It makes it so meaningful even on the other side of the world.

I've never had a tattoo because I can't commit to something so permanent. But then, some tattoos are on the inside.

3:09 AM  
Blogger MC said...

Thanks for thinkimg of me Chan. It's a gorgeous tatoo. I can't see myself getting a tatoo as I'm not brave enough to put up with the pain.

6:01 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

You may have inspired/shamed me into it being so brave on my behalf:) Thank you ((hugs)). I suppose a lower back tattoo would be even more painful...I wonder if there are artists who ink with an optional epidural?

She is beautiful a seems fiercly protective of the little souls she guards:)

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha!!! Now you have the tattooing bug also!!! I still only have 3 but thinking of getting another to remember my American times!! What do you suggest? I'm thinking of a harley davidson eagle on my butt (where I am well endowered- not like some people!!!).
I'm very proud of you for putting your thoughts and memories out there and just think if the tat hurt- imagine childbirth without the pain killers!!!!

5:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry forgot to write my name but I'm sure you'll know that previous "anonymous" bit was from me- Charissa!!!

5:22 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

It is beatiful, thanks for thinking of us. It is an awesome tattoo.

1:59 AM  
Blogger Just another Jenny said...

BEAUTIFUL! One of the nicest I have seen. "something deliciously bad associated with someone that had a tattoo ( before they became the fashion accessory that they are these days)". I feel the exact same way. Hubbie and I got our matching tattoo's 5yrs ago and if we ever make a baby, we agreed to get another.

1:38 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home