Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Getting old

When I was a kid, I’d watch my Dad reading the Sunday paper. He’d lick his index finger on his right hand and slowly turn the page.

I loved books, I never had troubles turning the pages, so I figured it must have been an “old person” thing. You know, as you get older, your skin dries up, hence having to lick to replenish every few pages.

I’d always thought, “I’ll know when I’m old when I have to start licking my finger to turn a page”

Well that time came about a year ago. Sitting down on a Sunday morning, without even a second thought, I brought my finger up to my tongue and licked. It wasn’t until after I’d done it half a dozen times that I realized what I was doing.
I didn’t feel old. I didn’t look old....well I didn’t think I did.

I’d always had pretty crappy skin, hell, I still get pimples at 33! I’ve never been one to cleanse and tone and what not. My beauty regime consisted of washing my face with soap and......well that’s about it.

One of my many New Years resolutions was to look after my skin and moisturize more often. Seems like a relatively easy thing to do right? Phhhtttt.

3 weeks into the new year and I think I’ve moisturized, oh, maybe 4 times. I still don’t own cleanser or toner or any of that other wonderful stuff that’s suppose to reduce the size of your pores and erase wrinkles. That was until the other day.

Friday was Chad’s day off, so he agreed to meet me for lunch. Lunch time for us is usually an approximated time, so I told him to meet me between 12:30 and 1pm. At 1:15 he came and asked if he was going to have to wait much longer, his displeasure of having to sit around for too much longer was obvious, and having no idea how long I was going to be, I told him not to worry about it and go home, which he did.

I turned to the customer I was serving, who would have been all of about 1 meter away from me and said “grrrrr he can be such a turd sometimes”. And do you know what she said ????

“Was that your son?”

WTF???? I nearly hyperventilated!

She back peddled real quick when I told her that, no, he wasn’t my son, but my husband. She said she wasn’t wearing her glasses.... she was sooo sorry...... and just to sink the boot in a little further, she said “it’s your hair”

HUH??? Now I have old person hair!!! Yes the grays are starting to come through a little, but since when do old people have BRIGHT RED STREAKS??? I mean, it’s cool, and hip, and...........MY HAIR IS NOT OLD PEOPLE HAIR!! I use Fudge, and only cool, hip young-ins use Fudge to colour their hair right? Punks and goths and uber cool rock stars use Fudge! Look how hip their intro page is people!! Is that not cool?? Old people don’t use colours with names like Cherry Bomb, Red Corvette and Pretty Flamingo! I DON’T HAVE OLD PEOPLE HAIR!

Ahem......so anywho........guess who has become more diligent in her nightly skin care regime?

That’d be me.

And let me tell you, that jar of Olay had better turn back the hands of time, erase fine lines and give me visibly younger looking skin or ......or......... well I’ll do something, I’m not quite sure yet, but I’ll think of something. I’m still far too traumatized at having someone think that my 27 year old husband was my SON!

Someone pass me a bourbon.......


Blogger DD said...


I've been asked if Mr.DD is X's grandfather. Yes, he has premature gray, and yes, by numbers he could be, but c'mon! Why would anyone "go there"?

4:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha ha............ laughing myself on to the floor......... But I feel your pain sista, I had a similar occurance at Fire Island, NY last summer. My buddy, Corinna had a weeks vaction and decided to come stay with my and the two boys. The kids parents came out on the weekend so Corinna and I thought we'd go to lunch at one of the restaurants further down the Island. The waiter obviously fancied Corinna but he really fu*#ed up big time. He asked if we were mother and daughter!!! I'm 28, she is 22!!!! You can imagine my frosty reply and he got no tip (I earn more then Corinna so if he wanted my $$ he should of been so fu*#en stupid!!). Corinna still hasn't let me live it down. Just about every phone call, email etc... starts with "Hi mum". I might look old enough to be a nanny/babysitter/child care provider to a 9, 7 and 4 year old but a 22 year old??!!!! Grrrrrrrrr!!!

12:28 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

I'm sorry you were traumatized. But thanks for the laugh.

1:44 AM  
Blogger Just another Jenny said...

The quest to remain cool into the 30's is a hard one. I have been informed that as a 30yr old, I must stop calling people "dude".
I like your hair (from the random Friday pics) and yes, it is young and hip. Good for you with a hubbie that looks young enough to be your son - how old does he look, 10?

4:31 AM  
Anonymous Manuela said...

omigod... I'm sorry... but this is sooo funny...

For me... it was starting to squint as I read... and I ALREADY HAVE GLASSES... yah... you know what that means, right?? BI-focals...


11:20 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

I appreciate this well timed reminder that perhaps a little skin care mightn't be such a bad thing for me too.... sorry it came at such a price!! It *was* kind of funny though...;D

12:09 PM  
Blogger Panda said...

I had Hot Chilli and Cherry Bomb and...was it Red Corvette... a few years ago. Not just streaks but the whole kit and caboodle. I loved it. Now I have boring old regular hair again. So yes, fudge hair is totally uber cool hair and not at all OLD PERSON hair.

Unless of course the fact that I was 33 when I did this makes it old person hair by default...

The best thing you can do for your skin is to cleanse and moisturise every day, and give up the fags. You'll be young and gorgeous forever!

6:54 AM  
Anonymous Lola Badeggs said...

Oh, Gawd. That so sucks for you!

2:39 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home