Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Nurse Maid/Boob Poker

The Chad has been sick with the flu. Not your normal every day garden variety common cold, but a raging fever, delirious, calling out in his sleep, kind of flu. Hence my absence, I've been playing nurse maid. He's back at work today, not 100%, but better than he was a week ago.

In light of the "condom incident", The Chad and I have had many a discussion about going down the road of trying again. I thought it may have just been delusional ramblings brought on by the fever that may have made him say that he wants to start trying again, that somehow he'd forgotten already how traumatic losing Jesse was, but no.

He doesn't want to wait until October. He wants a family. He wants to have a baby........ with me. This still blows me away. As semi-defective as I am (I'm talking physically, not mentally, cause that's a whole different kettle of fish), this wonderful man wants to risk having his heart broken again and try to have a baby with me.

The past week has seen my analyze every niggle and twinge in my uterus. I'm constantly poking my boobs to see if they are sore. I'm wondering if this insatiable appetite is because of something other than just eating because I'm freaking out thinking I may be.

In all honesty, I don't think I'm really ready to be on this horrendous rollercoaster ride again. The fear of losing yet another baby is overwhelming, but no amount of time is going to make that fear subside. I guess it doesn't matter if it's 1 month, 2 months, 6 months from now, I'm going to have to eventually deal with it and jump back on the horse......so why wait...... it's not like I'm getting any younger.

If it doesn't work this month, I've already got a back up plan...... I'm going to steal Panda's fertility cooter and whack a pumpkin the back of my cupboard.......


Blogger Panda said...

I'm not really sure the pumpkin is a great advertisement for fertility and abundant new life....

Anyways...hands off my cooter!

11:33 AM  

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