Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I'm a page 5 girl!!

So I didn't quite make it to page 3, but 5 is pretty damn close. And I'm not wearing a bikini (thank GOD I hear you screaming)....
Ok, ok...... it's a crowd shot from the footy at the weekend....and there I am, plain as day, sitting there.....in the pissing down rain.... looking like shit warmed up AND wearing a body condom. I look like a marshmallow with a face..... it's not pretty..... not pretty at all.
Am I going to post the pic? Fuck no..... you couldn't pay me enough.....though if someone was willing to throw $20-$30 my way I'd consider it..... what can I say.... I'm easy.... lol

And now for the "OMG, you'd think she'd get over it already" post.....
Yesterday when I rocked up for work, I was confronted by a big arsed invitation taped to the service desk inviting everyone to "Rachael & Braydon's baby shower" (I'm not going to change their names cause quite frankly I don't give a shit....and Braydon is the baby....not the boyfriend). I guess I'm just being petty but it hurts like hell having to look at her enormous belly every day knowing that I should be having my little boy in August too. Not that I'd ever look like her though, the girl is 5'11 and is as skinny as a rake, she honestly looks like she has a beach ball shoved up the front of her jumper...... I'd probably just look like a fat chick who's gone back for way too many second helpings or * looking guilty* that has just demolished half a block of chocolate for breakfast....oh the shame.

In small little letters down the bottom it had "in lieu of a gift, please give a donation to help them purchase some of the bigger items baby needs"
WTF??? It may be because I'm bitter (and extremely jealous) but if she thinks that I'm going to give her money so her boyfriend can shove it in a cone and smoke it, she had got to be kidding. He can peel his arse off the couch and stop claiming the dole, and get himself a fucking job to pay for his own "bigger items". Phhhtttt to them I say.

Am I completely losing the plot or is this just some weird part of the grieving process that no one has told me about, but lately I receive great satisfaction from making people feel uncomfortable by mentioning my miscarriages. So yesterday, when confronted with the "invitation", I asked politely if I could have an "I almost had a baby" shower......out of the 4 people who were there, one looked away, one busied themselves with something of "great importance" and one walked away.... the other, Pauline, reached over the counter, took my hand and said with tears in her eyes....."your time will come my dear.... your time will come" which left me a blubbering mess.... I'm so thankful for her friendship, kindness and compassion through the last year and a bit (she has been truly wonderful).....but damn it, I hate crying at work......

2 Comments:

Blogger Julie said...

It's definately part of the grieving process. I've done the same thing to people.

11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Totally understandable I say. I am sending a HUGE hug your way!!!

3:59 AM  

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