Saturday, July 30, 2005

Nothing like I'd planned

Yesterday, my intentions were not to post about the sniveling DrJ, but to pour my heart out about how much it sucks to have gotten my period......again.

Although I'd tried so hard to stay as pessimistic as possible and down play the probability that I may have been pregnant as a result of our little "accident", deep down I had really hoped that I was.

I'd hoped that the torturous journey through yet another series of two week waits was over for me, that I'd be knocked up and the only thing I'd have to worry about was keeping the little sucker in there.

I'd hoped beyond hope that I would be pregnant again before the 3rd of August, my due date with Jesse.

Wednesday morning, 10 DPO, I crossed my legs while desperately searching for that one remaining pregnancy test that I knew I had, but couldn't remember exactly where I'd packed it when we'd moved. Eventually I found it, peed on the stick and held my breath....... and waited..... and hoped..... and waited.
But only one line came up.
When I wiped, there was a bit of blood, and knowing that my period NEVER comes early, I consulted Dr Google and found that implantation bleeding can occur anywhere up to 12 days DPO. So I held on to a tiny bit of hope.
Thursday lunch time saw me lose any remaining hope I'd been holding on to.
What is my body doing?? Was it that I "bragged" about how easily it returned to it's normal cycle post hysteroscopy?

I can't believe how foolish I was to think that I could accidently fall pregnant.

3 Comments:

Blogger MC said...

Your not foolish I usually have it in the back of my mind in between ivf cycles, even though we have virtually no hope of conceiving naturally. I hope that you can get through August ok. I'm dreading the 10th Oct. which would have been my due date. It's so sad.

3:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh shit sweetie - I'm sorry :(

Julie "tales from the stirrups" posting from home

11:52 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

Chan, it's brilliant to 'meet' you:) I am so sorry for your losses and will be thinking of you tomorrow. I can imagine it will be awful - I will know for myself very soon.

It meant everything to me to be pregnant before my due date but alas - even though it almost was, it wasn't meant to be (what a crappy saying!). So I am also sorry AF found you instead of your miracle:(

9:37 PM  

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