I miss me....
I use to be so full of laughter, so full of hope. I use to be fun damn it.
Now when I look in the mirror, there's a sadness that lingers in my eyes.
I can't seem to find the me that I use to be. She's lost..... buried so far down that I don't think she'll ever be found.
I feel as though all events in my life are now depicted by the markers of when I lost our sons. "When I was pregnant with A.J this happened" "Do you remember just after we lost Jesse that....." Generally I'm shithouse with dates and times. But now there are these markers in my life that help me keep track...... and I wish it wasn't like that.
I want to be me again..... I want my boys back..... I want those carefree times back..... I want to feel a genuine smile creep across my lips..... I want to see joy in the little things.....
I miss how I was....
I miss who I was.....
I miss me.....
Now when I look in the mirror, there's a sadness that lingers in my eyes.
I can't seem to find the me that I use to be. She's lost..... buried so far down that I don't think she'll ever be found.
I feel as though all events in my life are now depicted by the markers of when I lost our sons. "When I was pregnant with A.J this happened" "Do you remember just after we lost Jesse that....." Generally I'm shithouse with dates and times. But now there are these markers in my life that help me keep track...... and I wish it wasn't like that.
I want to be me again..... I want my boys back..... I want those carefree times back..... I want to feel a genuine smile creep across my lips..... I want to see joy in the little things.....
I miss how I was....
I miss who I was.....
I miss me.....
posted by Chan at 11:37 PM
1 Comments:
There's a photo of me and Monkey Boy next to our computer, taken not long after we had met, prolly 2 1/2 years ago. My eyes are smiling.
I look at recent photos of me and I look completely different.
I've aged so much in the last twelve months. I miss the old me too.
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